


We're endgame

by Annie_in_Wonderland



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nicholas Scratch Needs a Hug (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Post-Season/Series 04, Protective Hilda Spellman, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29069649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_in_Wonderland/pseuds/Annie_in_Wonderland
Summary: "There are many ways to bring someone back from the dead. That’s something the Spellmans knew for sure. "POST-SEASON 4; after the funeral.I've changed the title and corrected some mistakes plus the chapter number. It just has to be 13, right?. Comments r appreciatedSo this is one of these fanfics in which someone (HILDA <3 plus Zelda) tries to bring Sabrina and Nick from the dead. Idk I there are many on A03 yet.C1/ Short Prologue (u can skip it): HildaC2: Sabrina & NickC3: Hilda, Zelda; NabrinaC4: short Ambrose/ Sabrina conversationC5: Nick. Sabrina. (and Ambrose)C6: Sabrina's friends and their grief.There might be some logic mistakes ; and not to forget my usual apology for language mistakes etc.
Relationships: Harvey Kinkle/Rosalind "Roz" Walker, Hilda Spellman & Sabrina Spellman, Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman, Prudence Night/Ambrose Spellman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	1. There are many ways

**Author's Note:**

> Short Chapters at first, might become more later. Just pretend chapter 1 is a prologue or whatever.
> 
> I definitely need a TV series with a happy ending, can't remember the last time I watched a series without being upset about the ending... (currently trying to write a fanfic to "fix" the htgawm ending...) 
> 
> And I think the same as many people do: that ending is wrong in so many ways...

There are many ways to bring someone back from the dead. That’s something the Spellmans knew for sure.

Of course there was the danger of bringing back the body but not the soul, like it happened to the poor Kinkle boy. Still, Sabrina had not even been baptised yet, nor experienced in the unseen art. Ambrose however was an experienced warlock, especially in necromancy...

But there are other ways. There have always been other ways. The Dark Lord, well, Lucifer had brought back witches and warlocks, just as the fancy took him. Sabrina came back to life once before, thanks to his powers. Well, a lot of things have changed since then.

And then there is the Cain pit, obviously. There was that little witch Sabrina needed to bring back that Kinkle Boy. Oh, and the countless times Zelda had killed Hilda (which has become very exhausting by the way.) Hilda was actually the best example of the countless ways to bring someone back from the death. Funny thing, she couldn’t even remember how many times she’s returned yet. But she remembered the last time, when she was shot by her sister after turning into a giant spider, how could she forget about that? Hekate, Hekate has the power to let Sabrina resurrect. A power she didn’t use. How could she bring back Hilda but leave her poor little lamb dead?!

There was still one option left, an option she hadn’t mentioned to anyone, not even Zelda or Ambrose. When – _if –_ Sabrina was alive again, Hilda would protect her from all that mess, bring her somewhere far away where she was safe. Her little lamb would be safe. And alive.

Hilda looked at the small box in her hand, and gently runs her fingers over the lid.

There has to be a way.


	2. Worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina & Nick in a Not So Happy Ever After. 
> 
> Can someone please explain that strange paintings or whatever, I am so confused but also fascinated of the Afterlife shown in Season 4.

Eternity can be very long, even if you are reunited with the love of your life. Or rather: because you are reunited with him.

It didn’t take long until their first fight. Well, she could not tell how long it took. There was no time in the Afterlife. Sometimes it felt as if she’s been dead for decades, other times as if it’d just been seconds.

At first she tried to hide her anger. And that worked pretty well because a part of her, a selfish part of her was in fact happy to have Nick there with her. To see his dark brown eyes again, his smirk. To feel his lips on hers, his body so close.

But that wasn’t right. That wasn’t right at all. He had _killed_ himself. How could he do that?! Sometimes she suspected Nick was just a part of her Afterlife, something to make it more bearable. A memory or a weird imagination, resembling everything she loved about him. Nick wouldn’t kill himself, he was strong and clever, he wouldn’t just give up, he’d find a way to bring her back, wouldn’t he?

The Nick she first met in the Academy at least.

But he wasn’t that person anymore, when she died. He’d stopped being that self-content, charming warlock as soon as he sacrificed himself to go to Hell, maybe he actually never was the person everyone thought he was. Not that he wasn’t charming and clever anymore. But something had changed him, she knew that. She knew he would die for her without hesitating a second, and obviously that’s what he did. Just as he had tried before... Even though he never admitted it, she knew what his overdose was really about. It wasn’t accidental. You don’t take red quicksilver and expect to survive, and yet he did.

“How could you do that?” Not until she saw the confused look on his face, did she realise that she’s just said her thought out loud.

“How could I do what, Spellman?”

He knew, of course he knew. As if he didn’t know exactly what was going on in her mind.

“You killed yourself, Nick, you are _dead_!”, she snapped at him.

“I told you, I did it to be with you, Sabrina! To be together forever!”

“I didn’t ask you to do that”, she said quietly and looked at him sadly.

He was trapped. He’d trapped himself, not much different from when he chose to become a human Acheron. But this time, he didn’t do it to safe her or the world. “You would have done the same!”, he screamed at her. “No, I wouldn’t. I would have found another way, I always did.” “Of course, I forgot.” A bitter laugh escaped his mouth.

“You always needed to be special, to find third way. But not everybody is half mortal, half Satan or divine or whatever you are! I told you before: I’d die for you, Spellman, in a second.”

“Yes but you didn’t die _for_ me but _because_ of me.”

Because she left and apparently no one, no one was there who cared enough about Nicholas, to stop him from turning back to the self-destructive path that had almost lead him to death once before.

“Spellman? Sabrina?”, Nick voice softened, just as the glance in his eyes as he looked at her.

“It’s not your fault, okay? It’s not your fault.” It was not his either, deep inside she knew that it wasn’t his fault. He was still suffering, he might have suffered from his mental health issues even before he literally went to Hell. “It was a question of time”, as if he read her mind again.

“So why does it matter if I survived a day or a decade without you?”

“Do you regret it?”, she suddenly wants to know. The question must have been in her head for a while now.

“Why? Do you think I am... I was weak?”, he answered with another question and avoided her eyes.

“What? No, Nick, of course I don’t! I’ve never thought that you are anything else than strong. I just wished you had stayed strong after I died! You could’ve moved on, you could’ve changed the world!”

“ _You_ could’ve changed the world, Spellman. You _did._ I don’t care about the world, I never did. I don’t care how many more Apocalypses may come, how many times the coven will change its deity. I don’t care. You are all I have, all I care about.”

“Then why didn’t you try to bring me back, Nicholas? You are” – were “one of the greatest warlocks and instead of fighting you chose to give up?!”

That wasn’t fair, she knew it. She knew, it wasn’t actually his fault; how desperate must he have been if chose to end his life? Still it was so much easier to blame him. “I think the question you should really ask is if _you_ regret dying, Spellman” “I didn’t have a choice”, she simply replied. “ _You_ did.” She stared at him, his dark eyes filled with anger and sadness. They could have been happy ever after, in life, not in death. “So do you regret it, Nicholas? Was I worth it?”

Her words echoed the cruel thing he’d said a long time ago. “Of course, Spellman”, he replied and gently touched her cheeks with his fingers. “You were always worth it.” “You don’t regret being dead?” He dropped his hand and looks away. “I had nothing – no one – I left behind, Sabrina.” Of course he did. He never realised how much he meant to others. “But?”, she insisted. “But – except for you – I hate Afterlife”, he whispered, barely audible. “It feels just like a different kind of hell. Maybe I am in hell. Maybe it didn’t work, and you are just a hallucination or a dream or some weird trick, one more of these nightmares where I think you are safe just to lose you again. I mean, look at that place, as if Satan or whoever designed a nice little museum!” She got the first part. That fear that everything wasn’t real, that _she_ wasn’t real. It felt the same the other way round. And she understood that he felt trapped, just as he did in hell. She didn’t get the last thing he said though. “What do you mean?” “The red walls for example. Why chose that colour? Reminds me of hell.” He shrugged and suddenly looked very tired. So he regretted it. “The walls aren’t red, Nick. I don’t even think that there are any walls? Not for me at least...”, she said confused. "Am I not wearing white?" He couldn't hold back a silent laughter. "No, you definitely aren't, even though I always thought white suits you very well." Memories of the Hare Moon...“How does that place look like for you”, he asked, seeming really interested in the answer. “Well... everything is white... and there are three paintings, or something that looks like paintings at least... Wait! Nick, maybe they are portals, like the paintings at Dorian’s!” She could feel the excitement in her bones. Maybe there _was_ a way out? Maybe that wasn’t the ending?

But what if she came back to life? What if her aunties, Ambrose, her friends weren’t there yet? Well she found a way to travel back in time and change the future once before, so maybe- “You never give up, do you? You always try to find a third way”, Nick said. His voice sounded sad. “I always thought that was damn hot, Spellman”, he added. “I still do, but I don’t think there is any way to change things. I think that’s it now.” “But don’t we at least have to try? Maybe it doesn’t bring us back to life but just somewhere else? We’ve forever to try. Why would there be that paintings if not to-“ “There are no paintings in _my_ forever”, he whispered. It hit her like a snap in her face. That was unfair. Everything was so so unfair. She saved the world, for whoever’s sake, not once but several times! She _died_ to save it and now here they were. Dead. No way back. She was to young to be dead, she was supposed to graduate at high school and the academy, to grow old, maybe even to get married, even though she wasn’t sure what to think about the concept of marriage – nor what Nick thought. She was supposed to spend a lifetime with her aunties and the people she loved. So did Nick.

All she ever wanted were two things. Three, actually. Freedom, power and love. At least the last of it was left, right? Even if she found a way for herself to come back, what would happen to Nick? She couldn’t lose him, not again. Never again. “I love you, Nicholas”, she simply said. There had to be a way, for both of them. “I love you so much.” A small smile appeared on his lips, not the smirk she loved to much. There is sadness mixed with love in it. “I love you too, not that this might be a surprise for you.” She closed her eyes and let herself fall back, as he leaned forward to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Hilda and Zelda. And Zelda's box...


	3. A dream in a witchhouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started that fanfic I had no idea where it might lead me. In the next chapters you won't only get some Nabrina scenes but maybe some anwers to the following questions:
> 
> \- How did her friends cope with the her death?  
> \- Why on earth does almost no one in Greendale have a mother who's alive?  
> \- Not sure yet, but I think there might be a new danger. There is always a danger in Greendale. No angels etc., I promise...

“Hilda, what are you doing? Where did you get this? It was hidden in my... in my secret hidden place, so what are you doing with _my_ box?”

Hilda just giggles and shakes her had, slightly amused. “Oh Zels, you really think you could keep any secrets from m? I’m your sister! Besides, I hurt you talking to Ambrose the other day, about shaking it, not shaking it.” “

Hildegard Spellman, you eavesdropped?!”

“The walls are very thin”, she just replied with a slight shrug and a smile on her face.

“So how does it work? Why haven’t you tried to get Sabrina back earlier?” “Because...”. Zelda lit another cigarette. “I just thought...” “Huh”, Hilda raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. “Well, I just thought it’s the best for her. You know, she’s probably with her mum and dad, and Nicholas”, she couldn’t hid the disapproving tone in her voice, when she said his name. “Oh that poor boy”, Hilda commented. “No more hell or fights, she’s in piece now-“ “Oh, Zelda, you don’t honestly believe what you’re saying! She’s our niece! She’s like our daughter! And she’s a teenager, she’s supposed to eat her blueberry pancakes and do cheerleading and hang around with her lovely friends.” “Hilda, we’ve tried everything.” “Well, you haven’t tried this here yet.”

“Give it to me, Hilda!”

“Why haven’t you tried it yet?! If there is at least a _chance_ to get her back, why haven’t you tried it yet?” Hilda couldn’t understand, until she saw the glance in her sister’s eyes.

“Why are you scared, Zels?”, she asked quietly.

“I am not scared, this is ridiculous!”

“Oh yes, you are! Is it because you see Mambo...a Bar- ... Marie again?”

“I am afraid that it won’t work!”, she snapped back, before she could hold her words back, hid her feelings. “Besides, I wanted to wait until the funeral was over... If everybody thinks she’s dead, she is safer than she’s ever been”, Zelda added in her usual cold and controlled manner.

“Yeah, you’re right but... since the funeral was yesterday and... we still have her body in the garden-“ “It’s not in the garden.” “Pardon me?”, Hilda asked, her eyes wide open.

“It’s downstairs”, Zelda sighed. “To keep it cold.”

“So what are we waiting for? We are going to bring our little lamb back!”, she exclaimed in her usual joyful voice, already on her way to the basement, the small box still in her hands. So there it was, the way to get her back. Of course it would work, it had to work. She’d hold her little lamb in her arms again.

******

“Did it work?”, Hilda hissed at her sister, still staring at Sabrina. Her beautiful face looked so _... dead_. And full of soil.

“What if something went wrong, what if we just brought her body back or... maybe the wrong Sabrina or-“ “Shut up, Hilda!”, Zelda interrupted her. “Oh, okay.” “

“Just give her some _time”,_ Mambo Marie’s voice resounded behind them.

“Okay...”, Hilda said again, staring at her niece, waiting for her to wake up. It had to work. It just had to.

*****

“Nick´”, she asked, still expecting to feel his soft lips. But nothing happened. “Nick?” She opened her eyes, just to stare into the faces of her aunts,

Zelda’s lips pressed into a small line, Hilda’s eyes so wide opened, that the blue eye-shadow wasn’t even visible anymore.

No.

“No! No, no, no, where is Nick, what have you done?!” Immediately she stood up, just to sit down again; her legs didn’t feel strong enough to stand. She didn’t understand. She was so confused.

“Nick”, she just repeated.

Just a second ago he was still there, his dark curls, his brown eyes, his smile. His beautiful smile.

“Don’t you think you could rest, my love?; Hilda asked carefully. “You must be very tired”, Zelda simply added. But Sabrina didn’t even look at them. Her glance was directed at Mary, her eyes locked with hers. “Bring him back”, she demanded. “I cannot do that”, Marie answered with her firm voice. “That isn’t fair! We need to bring him back! We... wait, where are you going!”

“My work is done.”

“No, don’t do this to me. You brought me back! You brought me back before I could find a way to escape. _With_ him! You need to help me!” She sounded pathetic, desperate, but she didn’t care. Why? Why now? Why did they wait for so long, why didn’t stop Nick from doing this to himself? Why did they bring her back?!

“Nick drowned himself in the Sea of Sorrows”, Sabrina explained to her aunts, her eyes still fixed on Mambo Marie. “So... You need to help me...”, she repeated silently. “Oh dear...” Hilda’s voice sounded far away. “That poor boy.”

“Please”, Sabrina just added why she felt the tears filling her eyes.

“Time is a strange thing”, Marie said with her thick accent. “Time doesn’t exist in the Afterlife. A decade there might be a day here might be a moment in Hell.” “What... what do you mean? Time in Hell and on earth is basically the same, isn’t it?”

“Sabrina, I really think you should rest.” Zelda. She didn’t even listen to her, her eyes still on Marie. “Tell me how to get him back”, she begged. Usually she didn’t beg for something, but demand it. But she felt so weak, so confused, so desperate. Her vision started to get blurred, the room spinning around. Maybe it didn’t work. Maybe she would close her eyes and when she opened them again... She would be back in that strange emptiness, everything white, strange paintings on non-existing walls. She would be back with Nick.

“Sometimes people like you use to talk about... near-death-experience. But sometimes people are really dead, at least for a _moment,_ for a short _time_ that might feel like decades or even eternity.”

“I... I don’t think I understand...”, she stammered, before everything became black.

_***********_

_“You were the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and the first thing when I opened them.” Nick looked at her in that certain way, as if he didn’t believe that she was really there with him, or rather that he was there with her._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“When I went swimming-“ He got used to that euphemism, still Sabrina didn’t bother to correct him. Sometimes she spat the words, when she was angry at him._ You killed yourself _. But despite that, she avoided the topic. He didn’t deny it, just sometimes looked away, with that sad glance in his dark eyes. But he never used words such as suicide or killing himself. Swimming, diving, and she let him._

_“When I was swimming”, he started I again, “I suddenly saw you. It was probably a hallucination, I was already deep down and...” There seemed to be some words he couldn’t say out loud, some memories he couldn’t talk about yet. Nick had never been really good at conversations, Sabrina knew that for sure. That’s why she appreciated it even more when he opened up in front of her, let his facade fall down. The first time at the Lupercalia, when he wasn’t the self-certain warlock anymore but a boy who had just lost the only family he’d left. After they got him clean, when he told her that he needed some time... Even though they didn’t talk about everything that was going on, in their lives, in their heads, in their heart. In his mind. They should’ve talked about it. About hell, about all the issues he was trying to hide behind a fake smile, behind lies such as “I’m fine.” The drinking, the drugs, the sex....even the breakup and him going back to Prudence were symptoms of a larger problem. But they never talked about anything, always so keen on giving each other enough time, wait for the right moment. But the right moment had passed long ago._

_“You mean... you saw me while you were...” She wanted to say ‘dying’ but she had to be careful; it was the first time he was willing to talk about it. “Underwater?”, she completed the question._

_“Yes, you were reaching out for me, before I closed my eyes.” Another euphemism. Before he died. “As I said, you were the last thing and the first thing I saw”, he said with a small smile on his lips. Her smile mirrored his, even though she wished she – or anybody else – had really been there, had saved him before it was too late. But she didn’t say that. They’d always been better at kissing than at talking, and so that’s what she did._

_******_

Sabrina opened her eyes, her mind still occupied by one of the Afterlife-Memories. At first she was confused, where she was, until she recognised her room – even though something felt wrong. As if it wasn’t her room but a perfect copy, despite some tiny detail missing – even though she couldn’t say what it was.

“There you are, my love.” She turned to her left side, where Hilda was sitting and looking at her with a joyful smile. “Ambrose, she’s awake!”

Ambrose had apparently fallen asleep on the chair in the corner. Had they been there all the time while she was asleep?!

“What... happened?” Her mouth felt fry, she needed water.

Water. The sea. The Sea of Sorrows. Nick.

“Where is ... what...”

“You had an awful nightmare, my dear”, Hilda just said in her usual cheerful manner, always mixing the most serious news with a laughter.

“What? How long... Oh no, please don’t tell me that decades have passed again and everyone is dead and-“

“Decades? Of course not, my love, we just had a sleep demon in our house, can you believe it! You managed to open that strange box, that ... how was it called...?”

“Acheron”, Ambrose helped her.

Acheron. Nicholas sacrificed himself to become one for her father’s.. Acheron.

“Right, you opened that Acheron and then you had that nightmare... and here we are.”

“What?”, was all she could say.

No.

No that couldn’t be true.

“But what about the Apocalypse? Apocalypses?” Sabrina realised how Ambrose looked at Hilda, waiting for her reaction. But her aunt just laughed awkwardly and shook her head, repeating the word apocalypse amused.

What on earth was going on?! Had she lost her mind?! Was she trapped in a nightmare right now?

Or... now that couldn’t be. Her baptism, everything that happened in Hell, the apocalypse – the other apocalypse, the terrors, that couldn’t all have been a dream?! All just Batibat?

If it was all part of a dream... then Nicholas wasn’t dead at all. Then he never killed himself because of her, never sacrificed himself for her. He was just a boy who gave her some of her father’s – Edward Spellman’s – notes. He was fine, right?

“What about Nick”, she asked. “Who?”, Hilda asked. “Nicholas... Nicholas Scratch... he’s a student at the Academy...”

“The .. eh...what?”, Hilda exclaimed, while Ambrose just stayed silent. It felt like a strange déjà-vu, like when they had to fight against one of the eldritch terrors. Just like the perverted reality.

“You should get some rest, my love, that sleep demon”, Hilda chuckled, “really messed up your mind, didn’t it.”

No. No that couldn’t be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always happy about constructive feedback and comments <3
> 
> Coming next: Ambrose and Sabrina


	4. You're crazy. – No, Ambrose, I am mad.

“Auntie, can I talk to Ambrose? Alone, Now!” Hilda and Ambrose exchanged a glance, but Hilda didn’t resist. “Okay, I’ll leave you... then...”, she just mumbled and left the room with her small steps.

“Ambrose, tell me what’s going on”, Sabrina demanded, as soon as Hilda had closed the door behind her. “As... uh... Hilda said, you ... ehm... released a sleep demon, cousin, and-“

“Please, Ambrose, don’t mess around with me. I already feel as if I am losing my mind! I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t or if I am even alive, so please! And Nick gave me my father’s diaries. I’d never solved the Acheron without it.”

“Oh... I told her it’s a bad idea.”

“What is?!” Ambrose sucked his lips, obviously torn between a promise he made to the Spellman sisters and his loyalty to his cousin.

“Zelda wanted you to forget everything that happened. A spell wouldn’t have been enough to erase all your memories, so Zelda said we should just tell you that it was a dream. I have to concede that this wasn’t the best nor a well-planned idea.”

“Where is Zelda?!” “She went home right after you were back. She’s never liked the English weather, so we both stayed t take care of you, start a new life-“

“Wait, we aren’t in Greendale? What about that house?!”

“It’s a copy. An almost perfect copy, except for the fact, that you – I mean, _you –_ can’t leave it nor use any magic.”

“What?! Ambrose, that isn’t funny!” Hilda and Zelda would never do that to her, right? They couldn’t just... trap her!

Power and freedom. Nothing more...

“I’m afraid that’s not a joke, cuz” She jumped up from her bed, tried to teleport. Which didn’t work. No. No, no, no.

“Why didn’t you just trap me in the Yellow House?!”, she snapped at him angrily.

“I’m sorry, cuz...”

“I need to bring him back. I need to bring Nick back!” It was the only thought on her mind. Her anger mixing with panic. She could’ve found a way, she was sure about that. The paintings might have been the key... or anything else.

_There are no paintings in my forever._

No.

“Ambrose, you need to help me! You are an _expert_ in necromancy!” Pity. There was pity in his eyes, a reaction Sabrina wasn’t used to.

“It’s too late, Sabrina. We don’t even have his body.”

“We could go to hell and-“

“Sabrina. Hilda and Zelda did everything to _protect_ you! From hell, from everything, if you go back, everyone will know that you are still alive! Why do you think they, we, waited until after the funeral? Left the country, the _continent?_ ”

“I can’t leave him _there_ , I can’t ever leave him again! What if we call Hekate?”

“The last time we needed the power of a whole coven plus some really powerful witches _and_ Baron Samedi. Furthermore: Hecate didn’t even want to help us bringing you back to life.”

“But why? That doesn’t even make sense!”

Ambrose just shrugged. “Well, maybe you just reminded her of the girl she couldn’t save... It’s an old story. There was that girl who was kidnapped but she ate some forbidden thing in Hell – like why do people think they can actually eat the food in Hell?! Anyways, in the end she had to split her life between Hell and Earth. Long before the Dark Lord and Everything of course. But obviously not much different from what you had to do. So maybe Hekate didn’t want that sort of life for you?”, he suggested with his thinking-face, eyebrows raised, eyes wide open.

“But don’t we at least have to try?!” Her cousin just looked at her, with that sad, pitiful look in his eyes: “You resurrected _me_. So there has to be a way.”

She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t spend every minute trying to find a way to bring him back, like she did when he was in hell. But she couldn’t leave him there either.

“If you don’t help me bringing him back, I will do the same as he did and-“ “Stop, Sabrina, don’t say anything you’ll regret.” His voice sounded even softer, as if he understood her pain. Maybe he did.

“Ambrose, if there is any other way...” He leaned forward, folding his hands. “Well... there might be a way... but that’s... absolutely crazy, cuz. And I am totally against it-“

“I could go back in time!”, she realised before he could even finished his suggestion. “I... I’ve done it before! Twice actually. I could just do it again.”

“No, no, I don’t think you should do that-“

“But Ambrose, don’t you realise? That what Mambo Marie was talking about.”

“I... wasn’t there”, he admitted to her surprise.

“Why- no, that doesn’t matter now, Marie said something odd about time. About how a moment here might be different from a moment in hell and a moment in eternity; and about near-death-experience and people who are dead, like actually dead, just for a moment. So I thought... If I go to the Sea of Sorrows and get him out and-“ “Sabrina... Don’t you remember what happened the last time?”

“Yes but it’ll just be a couple of minutes or hours, not _decades_! I won’t create another paradox and even if, we can still merge the Sabrinas-“

““There is no way that’s going to work, cuz.”

“But that’s what I’m going to do. Well, what I already did? That’s so confusing.” She shook her head to get rid of that confusion time traveling always caused. “Ambrose, Nick _told_ me! He saw me, in the Sea of Sorrows, moments before he died! That wasn’t a hallucination, that was me, trying to save him!”

Ambrose stared at her with his eyebrows raised, small lines on his forehead.

“My plans have always worked s _omehow_ , didn’t they?”, she added with a small smile on her lips. She’d fix this. She’d save him, just like he would have done the same for her if only he’d had the chance.

“Well... I actually had a similar thought: _maybe_ Baron Samedi couldn’t save Nick, because he wasn’t really dead yet when you asked...?” Sabrina looked at her cousin in confusion. “But either death or alive”, he added, “his body shouldn’t stay in Hell. That isn’t right.”

“So you are in?”

“Of course I am, cuz. Have I ever said no to your bloody plans?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short dialogue between the two cousins.  
> The 6th chapter is going to become quite long.
> 
> So what do u think so far?


	5. Baby I am naive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: SUICIDE
> 
> Ok, that was a hard one and I am not really confident with the outcome, it's quite chaotic.
> 
> Still, I had to bring him back somehow. We might get more of Nick's perspective later.

_Almost as long as the great Houdini. More than three minutes. That’s how long Nicholas could hold his breath..._

_The sea was fascinating, had always been to him, like a world separated from earth and heaven and hell._

_A terrific beauty, a beautiful terror._

_How poetic._

_He was drunk, as if he could ever drawn that intense pain with alcohol. There was no drug on earth or in hell to liberating him from that painful feelings. Even if it could make him feel numb, even if he was already feeling that crucial emptiness, the loneliness that killed him from the inside, as if the Void had become a part of him..._

_B_ _ut no, that wasn't the right simile. He felt numb, still he didn’t feel nothing._ _Even numbness was a feeling. For most people it might appear frightening, neither numbness nor pain and that was frightening, so even if it is unbearable, most people preferred pain over nothing._ _He knew pain, he always had. But he’d never known that overwhelming feelings he felt since she... She..._

_2 min._

_Sabrina Spellman._

_Sabrina Spellman was dead._

_Dead._

_He lost the only one he ever truly loved, the one who taught him love in the first place. He lost his entire world. A part of him was already dead, it had died in the second he saw her body lying there, the moment he realised that he had actually lost her._

_Now he was losing what was left of himself, deeper and deeper in sorrow._

_No way back, no teleporting when drunk. Didn’t matter. There was nothing left. He wasn’t even afraid._

_How could death be worse than any of the things he’d been through?_

_How could death possibly be worse than losing Sabrina?_

_Sabrina. Sabrina Spellman._

_*************_

“Auntie, I need to go to hell. Right now.”

“What, Sabrina, you can’t go to Hell!”, Hilda responded totally perplex.

“Ambrose is there. He should have been here 2 minutes ago, they should have been here, so I need to be able to leave the house and I need to do it right now.”

**************

_There plan wasn’t thoughtful, they both knew, but Ambrose was as always the one to say it out loud._ “ _That’s crazy, cuz. Even for your standards.”_

_She’d come to the conclusion that – despite Ambrose’s objections – time traveling was the only way. “We’ll use the water in which that weird egg was swimming.” There was no spell, at least they hadn’t found anything in the books. The aquarium was still taken by Weird Eldritch Terror, the Egg long gone. But Ambrose, thank Hecate, had saved some of the water for his experiments._

_“What if it doesn’t work anymore?”_

_“I used it once before, filled in a bottle. And we don’t need a lot of time. And we don’t_ have _a lot of time.” That was the crucial point. The sea water could wash away the magic away within second and put him back right away. “You go to Hell” – “I’m really not sure about that, cuz. “You go to Hell, use the water and_ immediately _teleport right where Nick is.”_

_“I don’t like this, cousin. There is so much that can go wrong. What if I create another time paradox? What if I can’t grab before I get back to present times? What if the water doesn’t work and I am too late-“_

_“Ambrose, stop. It’s going to work. And I would do it myself, but someone doesn’t want to break the spell and let me use magic, nor leave this house.”_

_Ambrose sighed, she could see that his thoughts were far away, over-thinking everything that could possibly go wrong. “I told you, cuz, I cannot break the spell, I’ve tried it.” He was one of the best warlocks she knew. How on earth couldn’t he break Hilda’s and Zelda’s spell if he really wanted to!_

_“I’ll bring his body here as soon as I got it”, he said quietly. His body. His body, not ,him’._

_“If I am not here at 11:55 – “_

_“You’ll be here”, she said reassuringly. She should be the one to go, she should be the one to save him, it was her fault after all._

_“Alright then...”, he said, without even hiding the panic in his voice._

_“Ambrose, one last thing...”, she hesitated._ That _was too much for even for her standards, but she didn’t get the memory – if she could call it memory - out of her head. “I know it sounds selfish, it actually is selfish, kind of, and it’s super weird...” Usually Sabrina’d just say what was on her mind without thinking about the consequences. “Can you use a glamour and.....ehm... can you be me, Ambrose?”_

_He just stared at her puzzled. “Wow, that’s officially the craziest thing you ever asked me to do”, he stated and shook his head in disbelief. He was right. That was crazy, but she knew that he’d still do it._

_“Why, Sabrina?”_

_“The thought made him smile... And I know how wrong this is, but... I mean just in case that you can’t... He seemed to be a little bit happy that I was the last thing he saw. And there wasn’t as much happiness in the ,Happy Ever After’ as one might expect”, she admitted. She shouldn’t have asked, that was cruel, wrong._

_“Almighty Hecate, the two of you? You are more dramatic and tragic than any Shakespeare play ever written”, Ambrose exclaimed in disbelief. “I need to go now, before I change my mind. Lanuae magicae”, and with that he was gone._

***************

“What, Sabrina, you can’t go to Hell!”,

“Ambrose is there. He should have been here 2 minutes ago, they should have been here, so I need to be able to leave the house and I need to do it _right now_ ” _”_

Hilda’s lips formed a small o, unable to process so much information, nor to contradict her niece’s demand. “Please, auntie!” That broke her silence.

“Oh... okay, my love, I see what I can do...” Ambrose was in Hell?! Ambrose was in Hell, oh Hecate, of course he was. Her niece and her plans. What had Zelda been thinking? Just bring her far away and that will solve all the problems? She was heartbroken. Something Zelda should know best.

But what about Lilith? If Sabrina went to Hell... Oh, it was already too late anyway, wasn’t it? And that poor boy Nicholas... Hilda had always preferred that mortal boy, young Harvey, but had seen the way he looked at her, the love in his eyes, an emotion not even Nicholas Scratch could hide. And Ambrose was there too, that stupid boy. What was _he_ doing in Hell?! She couldn’t lose one of her children ever again...

“Okay... uhm... uh... Zelda and I used several spells... I can break the one that prevents you from doing any magic so that you can teleport? Might that help, my dear?”

Hilda had never been so conflicted what to do.

“Please auntie, we don’t have much time!”, the panic in her voice was alarming. “Ok, ok, I see what I can do, my love”, Hilda stammered and spoke the Latin words.

Her sister and her plans.

************

The screams, the salty wind. A déjà-vu. Again she came to safe him.

The last time she’d been with the Fright Club, well-prepared with dead peoples’ shoes and all that stuff. She wasn’t prepared at all this time, there had been no time for that. Still she wasn’t alone, Hilda just wouldn’t let her go on her own.

Ambrose should be here, instead only his watch was lying in the sand. What if her plan had gone wrong? What if she lost both of them now?!

But no. Nick had been there, just him, not Ambrose. Still, maybe that didn’t mean anything, after all it had been pretty weird that it had only been the two of them. What about all the other people who had died? Where had they been? Had Nick ever actually been there or was he just a part of her very personal Afterlife?

“I have to teleport and see if he, if they are still in the sea”, she gasped without thinking.

“No, you are definitely not doing that, Sabrina!”, Hilda exclaimed and grabbed her arm.

“Auntie, I have to-“ Before she could finish the sentence, Ambrose appeared right in front of her, kneeling next to _his_ body. Her cousin was soaking wet. Shaking. Tears running down his cheeks.

“Ambrose? Ambrose, do something!”, she screamed and run to him. “I ... I teleported back to the shore before... before the water started working”, he mumbled in shock. “I tried, Sabrina. I used a spell to get the water out of his lungs, I ... I did everything... I tried...” He talked way too fast, his voice was filled with tears. “I tried!”

No. No, no, no.

“Ambrose, keep on reanimating him”, she said. She couldn’t move, she had to move, she had to bring him back.

“Cuz, I know a dead body when I see it”, he whispered and buried his face in his hands.

Without thinking, Sabrina started reanimation. The mortal way. 30. Her hands on his chest. No, no, no, he would come back. Mambo Marie had told her, right? He would come back.

Her lips against his. They were so cold, he was so cold... She couldn’t. She couldn't do that, Ambrose was right.

No.

“Sabrina...”, Hilda’s soft voice, her hand on her shoulder. “My love, I’m afraid he’s gone.”

Her body was shaking, she couldn’t control her sobs and her tears. He was so cold. He was so cold. Just a body. Not Nicholas, not her Nick, but a cold, lifeless corpse. She wanted, she needed to keep on trying, but her body just failed her, collapsing on the cold sand, tasting the salty water on her lips.

“You have to bring him back! Hecate has to bring him back, I’ll do anything, just bring him back! Please!”, she screamed desperate. It had to be midnight by now.

_It's the witching hour somewhere._

He wasn’t gone, he couldn’t be.

She could feel how Hilda wrapped her arms around her, whispered soothing words in her ear.

Almighty Hecate, bring him back.

Lilith. You owe me, so bring him back.

Marie. Baron Samedi. Please. Please...

Hecate.

She didn’t realise she was saying the words out loud, though barely audible repeating them like a mantra. She didn’t realise Hilda was crying as well, holding her niece tight to her body.

Nor Ambrose, waking up from his state of paralysis, desperately going on where Sabrina had stopped until..

“Ambrose?”

Her heart skipped a beat.

************

“What if... he’s been dead for too long? Doesn’t that cause brain damage most times?”, she could hear the panic in her voice. It wasn’t the first time that thought came to her head, but the first time she let Ambrose know of that fear of hers.

“Cousin, your brain was infected with every possible disease and there was not the slightest damage, right?”

“You’re right... You’re right...”, she said more to herself than to him. But why did it take so long? He was filled with a similar disbelief when he was back from Hell, still it was ... okay. While now he seemed to be so lost in this thoughts.

But at least he was alive.

He was alive.

“I’ll leave you alone, then”, he replied and gave her a sad smile.

“Thanks, Ambrose”, she answered. Thanks for bringing him back to life, thanks for not giving up.

Thank you, Hecate. And Lilith. And Marie. Whoever brought him back.

Sabrina sat down next to the bed, looking at Nicholas. Right now, he seemed so far away, unable to reach. Gone. Even if he wasn’t asleep, even if his eyes were open, he didn’t say anything most of the time, sometimes looking at her with sad eyes, sometimes angry, most of the time staring into... nothing. It was even harder to see his eyes empty than to see them closed, just lying there.

Once he’d tried to strangle her, though, she still didn’t know why. He’d opened his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes and just... tried to kill her. What must have been going on in his head? Did he think she was Lucifer or someone even crueler?

What was going on in his head right now? Maybe Ambrose spell had gone wrong? The one he used to make him stop strangling her? Maybe it hadn’t just erased his unreasonable anger, the short moment filled with the desire to kill her, but everything?

Gently she touched his cheek with her fingertips. He didn’t always look so peaceful when he was asleep. Most of the times, he rolled around, probably suffering from nightmares. Were they different from the ones he used to have before, the dreams that haunted him after he came back from Hell When a part of her father was still inside him?

Maybe death had triggered all the traumas he suffered from, all the memories that haunted him...

Right now though, he was calm, breathing regularly. She couldn’t stop thinking about how cold his body was, his lips almost blue... So cold.

“I was sixteen...”, she started silently. She couldn’t get that song out of her head. Maybe because Ambrose mentioned that day when her brain was infected by Pesta, to get rid of one of the Eldrick Terrors. She remembered Nick failing at his attempt to hide his worries, to hide the fact how much he still cared.

“Going on seventeen...” Salt on her lips. She hadn’t been crying for a while now, as if there were no tears left. She’d already cried so many tears that they could probably fill her own Sea of...

“Baby it’s time...” Too many tears. She couldn’t keep on singing, her voice just failed. So she just closed her eyes and let the tears run down her cheeks.

“To think... Better beware, be canny and careful...”

Her heart skipped a beat, or maybe more.For a moment, she didn’t dare to open her eyes, so scared that this might be just a dream, a dream she’s been hoping for the last 10 days.

His eyes. Looking at her. Into her eyes. “Nick...?”, she whispered carefully.

He kept looking at her for a moment, his eyes filled with emotions she couldn’t read. Then, his fingers touch her face, softly wiping away the tear on her cheek.

“I really wish this was real...”, he choked finally, before he led his hand fall down and fell back into the pillows, closing his eyes again.

She wanted to tell him that his was real, but her voice failed.

So she just kissed him, carefully. Her lips touching his, even though it was just for a second. He didn’t kiss her back, didn’t open his eyes. “Nick... Nick, look at me”, she demanded quietly as soon as she gained control over her voice again. “This isn’t one of your dreams or Hell, okay? I am still here. I am here.” Hesitating, he opened them and looked at her, more confused than before. But at least he looked at her.

“See. Nothing bad happened. This is real. I am real”, she had said the same things probably a thousand times right now.

“Maybe I’m not in Hell...”, he mumbled. Yes: Yes, he’s finally back, she wanted to say reassuringly, but she knew better.

“Maybe the Afterlife isn’t as bad as I thought.”

She sucked her lips and tried not to sigh. Patience had never been her strength, but she would wait for him, she would be there for him this time.

“You should eat something. Hilda made some soup”, she just answered softly.

“Where’s the point? Both of us are dead, we don’t need-“

“We are not dead, Nicholas.” She would repeat that sentence as often as necessary. “I am alive. I was resurrected by my aunts and Mambo Marie. You are not dead. You tried to take your own life but Ambrose got you out of the lake. I tried to reanimate you but I failed... I am sorry, I am so sorry... But then Ambrose tried again and... I think Hecate or some one else must heave heard my prayers, because you came back. You came back. Ten days ago. And I can understand that you are confused. I was confused as well, I still am. And I can only imagine what it must be like for you, after all the things you’ve been through. But this”, she made a gesture at the room, then pointed at herself – “his is real. No nightmare, no hallucination. You are neither in Hell nor in the Afterlife, you are alive. In my room.”

He just looked into her eyes, a small line between his eyebrows as if he was trying to understand what she was saying. Maybe. Maybe he finally did.

“Nice try.” Okay, he didn’t. That was okay, right? He needed more time, she had just to be more patient. And at least he had listened to her explanation nor thought that she was Lucifer or whoever.

“What?!", was all she could say.

“The room is mirrored. Ergo: This is _not_ your room. This is not real.” His voice sounded tired, even though she barely saw him doing anything else than sleeping.

So that was why she felt as if something was wrong. Of course he was the one realising it first.

*************

Oh how lovely it was to hear her steps on the stairs. Her beautiful face, while she entered the room and sat down right in front of Hilda, a smile on her lips. She used that lipstick again. It was a birthday present Hilda had given to her a while ago. Hilda had always been a fan of bright colours and expressive make-up, especially since Zelda didn’t like it

“What’s the matter, dear”, she said and looked up from her book.

“Auntie, we need to move back to Greendale!” Sabrina’s announced; her eyebrows raised.

“What”, Hilda just stammered in surprise.

“I know that you want to protect me, but honestly, a different continent? Do you really think that is necessary?”

“Oh darling”; Hilda sighed. “Everyone thinks I am dead, I can just use a glamour! We all can”, Sabrina continued. Of course her niece had a plan, she always had.

“Please, auntie!” Oh how could she say no to that? “I know you like England and it is really nice.” Ambrose had went for a walk with her the other day, showed her some places. But she couldn’t stop comparing everything with Greendale. She missed the bookstore and the cinema and even the library at Baxter High

“But Greendale is my home! And I want to see my friends again, I won’t tell them... I think it would just be good for me.” That might be good for her, right? They always had such a strong bond, she and her mortal friends. They were one of the main reasons that kept her balance, the reason why she didn’t chose the dark path. If Diana would still be with them...

“And it’s important for Nick. That house here, that surrounding is confusing for him, what he needs is something familiar.” That poor boy... And not only he was still suffering, Sabrina was too. Hilda could see it in her eyes, the sadness in her face, even though she tried to stay strong, to take care of him.

“And don’t you wanna see Dr Cee again?” Cee. Oh how her heart skipped a beat just by the mention of his name.

“Of course I do, my love. But ...”

“You want to keep me save, I get it. But we can’t hide forever! You can’t keep me like a ... prisoner!”

“Oh don’t say it like that, that’s not a prison.” But Sabrina was right, of course she was. Zelda and her ideas. Just bring her to London, just tell her that everything was a dream! As if Sabrina would ever believe such nonsense, she was a clever girl.

“Alright, so that’s the plan: We go back to Greendale, you live with Dr Cee again and Ambrose with me and Nick at the mortuary. Ambrose and I are going to use a glamour when ever outside, he’s going to pretend that he’s our dad, Zelda our mother who has work at a different town. We’ll make sure that Nick doesn’t leave the house until we can be sure that he won’t do any harm to himself or others, and is able to say what’s real and what isn’t. But since he doesn’t want to leave his bed” – actually her bed, she was sleeping the bed which would be Zelda’s, mirrored though – “that won’t be a problem.” Sabrina could see her aunt thinking about that, torn between agreeing her niece and her sister. “We can’t hide forever, auntie! And I could go to Baxter High, under a new name, I could graduate and wear a nice dress at my prom...”, she looked at her with that certain smile on her lips. “Well, that sounds quite nice...”

“See! I promise I will not get myself involved in any danger.” She crossed her fingers behind her back, just in case.

“I really miss Cee and the bookstore”, Hilda admitted with a smile on her face. Sabrina always got what she wanted, they both knew that. And how can you say no to your niece that had died the other day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters r becoming longer!
> 
> I thought a lot about who should be the one to reanimate Nick. When I wrote the last chapters, I though it had to be Sabrina but then there was the thought in my head: It shouldn't be her, not again, or otherwise they will be caught in that circle of rescuing and sacrificing for each other.  
> It just had to be someone else imo. There is a really awesome fanfic (i forgot which one, I am sorry) where Prudence is the one who saves Nick, which is a perfect solution I think. Since I didn't want to copy anyone's thoughts AND didn't want it to be a "Prudence or Sabrina" so it became Ambrose. (Harvey might have been really interesting, I think, but I have different plans for Sabrina's friends). So Ambrose plus eventually some kind of power, though I want to leave that open for now. Prudence will become more important in the next chapters.
> 
> Let me know what you think about that! xxx


	6. The Bluest Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina's friends are grieving, our fave half-witch is moving back to Greendale.  
> And there might be some answers and some new questions & dangers.

Theo Putnam didn’t want to believe that his best friend was just gone. That couldn’t be true, it was Sabrina, after all! She’d not only saved him and the rest of their group of friends, she was a w _itch._ She saved the world! A good witch. And she was an awesome friend, always giving him the feeling he belonged to something bigger.

Probably the Spellmans already had some sort of a plan, they didn’t want mortals like him to know about. Right? Maybe Sabrina wasn’t dead, she just couldn’t be.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Robin was lying next to him, holding him in his arms.

“I just thought... What if she is still alive, you know?” Robin looked at him, without saying anything. “I just miss her so much...”, Theo added, feeling the tears coming again.

*************

She missed her. Prudence had never expected that she’d ever miss that half-witch, her winning smile, her ... ego-centrism. She’d never thought of Sabrina Spellman as a friend, rather as an enemy, most of the time at least. But after all... they always had a strange connection. Success-oriented, clever, confident, powerful, both of them. Finally some competition, that’s what Mrs Blackwood said, and she was right, partly. Sabrina had become more, even though she’d never admit it to anyone.

And Prudence was angry. Angry at her for being dead. As if it wasn’t enough that she had already lost one of her sisters. She’d lost the only witch on her level. And even worse: She lost the only friend she ever had. Nicky. Nicholas Scratch was gone. Really, really gone.

He left a note. Not a letter, just a tiny piece of paper with a note in his messy handwriting. Not even mentioning how or where...

She searched for him, everywhere. She tried every spell, tried to summon him. But nothing worked. He left her. He just left her! How could he do that to her? How could they both do it to her?! She smashed the glass she was holding in her hand against the wall, just to watch it break into pieces. Prudence let out a scream, a scream so loud that her sister immediately ran into the room, looking at her worried.

“What happened, Prudence, are you okay?” Agatha knelt down next to her and grabbed her hand.

“Bring them back! Bring him back!”, she just screamed at her sister and ripped her hand out of her grip.

How could they do it to her? How could they just _die?!_

_***********_

Harvey Kinkle couldn’t stop thinking what could have been done to change what happened. Regretting the many mistakes he had made, the many times he hurt Sabrina Spellman. How he treated her, when she told him that she was a witch. How he started dating her best friend almost immediately. Of course, he loved Roz. He loved every part of her. But it had been unfair to blame Sabrina for a part of her life, to be be scared of her, be angry that she didn’t tell him earlier... while with Roz... it was okay. As if he always knew.

They were friends again, in the end. At least that was some bitter sweet compensation for the time they – he – had excluded her from her group of friends.

He couldn’t stop drawing her. He didn’t want to, he knew how much it hurt Roz to see Sabrina’s face day by day, different angles, different memories. It had been a while since his last drawing. After the Eldritch Terrors... And that wasn’t actually him drawing, rather some higher force that made him draw the things Roz saw.

He was so tired of all that Magic crap. Yes, it had been helpful, and cool, they’ve been to Hell. They saved the world. But what he missed wasn’t the girl with white hair and black headband he kept drawing. But the one with a blond curly bob, her headband blue, her lips red, but not dark red painted. The excitement in her voice when she talked about the latest horror movies. The Sabrina Spellman he fell in love with.

He wanted her back.

If only he could make the perfect drawing...

Every Sabrina would be fine. Of course he missed the one he kept on drawing the most, but if he would do anything to get that powerful half-witch back, she’d become. The one who healed Roz and her father. The one who would sacrifice herself for her friends, her loved ones.

Harvey had never been very religious but he’d always been fascinated by the belief of Rosalind’s family. That’s how he started praying,

_Dear God, if you bring Sabrina back I will..._

_... be a better friend. A better person. I will treat her as good as I should have. I will protect her like she protected everyone else. I can even become a miner. I’ll do whatever is necessary. I can spend my life drawing her face or I can stop drawing at all, if that changes anything. I will pray to you everyday. I will become faithful._

If only he’d treated her better when she was alive.

If only someone, something could bring her back.

**********

There was no way to bring her back. Her best friend was gone.

Rosalind Walker was devastated. What had been the point of all that? Why all these fights against the evil? What was the point in her Cunning if it couldn’t prevent Sabrina from dying?

What was the point?

“Rosalind?”, her father was standing in the doorframe, looking at her concerned. He was worried. Since the funeral, Rosalind had skipped school. Stayed in bed most of the time, cried more than ever before.

“Harvey is downstairs.”

“I don’t want to see him” , she mumbled and covered herself with the blanket. She didn’t want to see anyone. And especially not her boyfriend, who reminded her of the best friend with lost not only with his stupid drawings but also with his mere presence.

“Don’t you want some fresh air or something? Spend some time with your friends.”

“I don’t want to see him”, she just repeated, her voice low and rough from crying.

“Maybe it could help if you pray for her friend. For her soul in Heaven.”

Sabrina wasn’t in Heaven, right?. And that was totally unfair, after all she’d gone through to save people, save humanity.

Of course she couldn’t tell that her dad. Nor could he tell him that she was a witch. He’d think she was crazy, maybe even try an exorcism or some kind of shit. Roz used to have a friend, not a close friend. They’d been best friends in primary school before she moved to Riverdale and Sabrina and Roz slowly but surely became best friends. Who’d talk about everything, read the same books to discuss him, go to the movies, spend every minute together like sisters...

That girl in Riverdale, her name was Ellen, and she sometimes still talked to each other on the phone. These strange conversations with persons you still feel connected to, because you share a part of your past, but who actually live a life too different from yours. It was always nice though, having someone that reminded her of the girl she’s been so long ago. The girl who wouldn’t stop reading, who didn’t have to worry about witches and demons and dying. It was nice and superficial gossip, until Ellen lately told her the story of a girl in school, who believed she was a witch. She was taken to a clinic and never seen again, never heard of again. She just disappeared as if she’d never existed, and people, even her former friends, already seemed to forget her.

Rosalind didn’t want to think about it. But maybe that’s what happened to witches nowadays. They just disappeared

Or died like Sabrina.

Sabrina, her best friend. Her best friend. They were supposed to graduate together, change the school, fight for equality at Bexter High. They were supposed to go to College together, Sabrina part-time witch, part-time student, even though she couldn’t decide for a course yet. Classics maybe, learning about all these myths that weren’t myths at all. Or Film Studies, that would have been perfect. Although History might have been perfect too, probably useful for her career as a witch. They might have shared a door room. Rosalind had been overwhelmed by the possibilities at college. She hadn’t really thought about it, always assuming she would be blind before she had the chance to choose studies. English Literature might be the course of her choice. She and Sabrina would discuss about the books for her next assignment...

But that wasn’t going to happen.

“Did praying ever help you? After mum died?”

It was a taboo topic, something they never talked about. When she was younger she wanted to know everything about her, but her father always shut any conversation down, always reacting angry, repeating that her mother committed a sin. There weren’t even any pictures.

Now her father just sighed and sat down at the end of her bed. Rosalind turned around, even though she was so tired and sad and just wanted to close her eyes. “The people in church say that what your mother did was a sin. I said the same thing many times. But I have forgiven her long ago and I think God did the same. Your mother... was the most gentle and kind woman I’ve ever met.” There were tears in his eyes, just like in Roz’. “She has always been very sensitive. Emotional, some might say. Before she did that terrible thing...” He stopped for a moment. Rosalind knew what happened, not that he told her. Others did, and the Cunning showed her. Her mother had taken her own life in one of the cruellest ways Roz could imagine. “Before she did what she did something terrible happened”, her father finally said. “First, one of her close friends died in a terrible accident with her husband. And then there was the women’s sports club. Your mother wasn’t part of it, she was always more fond of reading than running. You got that from her.” A little smile appeared on her lips. “But many other women in Greendale, most of them had children your age. They were on a bus on their way to a sports even in Riverdale and right before they left the town... a terrible, really terrible accident happened. Somehow the bus got off the road and crashed against a tree. And then....”

“Oh no...” , she just whispered in shock. Not because of the things her father just said, but because the things the Cunning showed her. Fragments, pictures of what happened. Screams and fear and fire. “It caught fire”, she said quietly, before her father could finish the sentence. “How do you know?”, he wondered slightly confused. “What... what happened to the women?”, she just replied, even though she knew the answer. “A few survived, but they never went back to normal. A woman had lost her child... She already had an older boy, Bill or something like that. But she left her husband and the town. Many relationships broke. Many people stayed broken forever.”

“Tell me, dad, was Harvey’s mother in there too?”

Her father sucked on his lips before he nodded slowly. “He always blamed himself, you know. She wasn’t really part of the team. He was supposed to drive the bus to Riverdale but he got extra hours at work. So she left her boys with a babysitter and... went to Riverdale. He always blamed himself for her death. Said it was his punishment to spend the rest of his life down there in the miles which he’d chosen over his wife... He started drinking... Yeah, some people stayed broken.”

“What about Theo’s mum?”

“The Putnam kid, you mean?” Her father never got used to the fact that Theo was a boy. But he’d started trying.

“Yeah... “

“As I said... many of them didn’t make it out alive. As if a curse took the mothers of a whole generation”, he said sadly. “Your mother couldn’t handle it. She had lost two of her closest friends in a short time, both due to terrible, terrible accidents. She loved you, Rosalind, she really did. She just couldn’t handle it and so one day... she left.”

“You are afraid that I might do the same, aren’t you?”, she realised. She’d always thought her empathy was part of her Cunning. But maybe it was in fact something she’d gotten from her mother. Gentle, sensitive.

“I know that she was your best friend”, he just whispered.

“I miss her so much, Dad”, Roz just responded, the tears coming back.

She didn’t know how to keep on living without her.

**********

“So, have you decided for a name yet, cousin?” The question reminded her of her baptism, so long ago.

“Don’t forget that _officially_ you are my dad now”, Sabrina replied and just ignored Ambrose’s question.

“Yes, I know. And that is super weird, Sabrina.”

She turned around from her closet to look at him.

“Why? You are about 120 years older than me”, she simply said, which made Ambrose smile. “And no, I have no name yet”, she finally said. “And I don’t know what to wear!” Her cousin looked at her amused but didn’t say anything. Tomorrow was her first day at Baxter High, not as herself of course.

“I thought about Diana”, she mentioned and took one of her dresses out of the closet, just to put it back immediately. She hadn’t decided for a glamour either.

“You are aware that you can also change your outfit with your glamour?" As if he could read her thoughts. "Besides, I think Diana is a bit too obvious, isn’t it?”

“You wanted to go for Eddie. Which is like the most common nickname of Edward, _that_ is weird, Ambrose.” They’d finally agreed on ,Albert’ which didn’t fit to Ambrose at all, but to his glamour. Plus it started with an A and was, according to Ambrose, inspired by one of these philosophers he liked.

“What about Sam? As in Samantha? You got your A, so I could keep my first letter as well. Actually I used it once in the perverted universe.”

“And that’s exactly why you should not use it, cuz, that’s way too risky”, Ambrose sighed.

“But no one knew it was me! They all forgot what happened, except for Roz.”

“ _Subconsciously_ though _”-_ Sabrina had missed Ambrose’s way of stressing certain words, the little pauses he made while talking. _“_ they’d still know. And Rosalind is not supposed to know it either.”

“That’s so unfair! Why can’t I just tell them?!”

They had that discussion quite often. Because it was too risky, it put her friends on danger, Lilith wasn’t supposed to know (that was Zelda’s main argument. Although Sabrina and Ambrose weren’t quite sure if she really didn’t know yet, after their little trip to Hell), a teenage witch had recently disappeared in Riverdale et cetera, et cetera. Still it wasn’t fair to do that to her friends, who were grieving for her! Yet Sabrina had promised not to tell them, it had been the condition to go back to Greendale: Always wear a glamour when leaving the house, don’t tell your mortal friends – nor your witch friends ( _I don’t have any witch friends. And I want to go back to the Academy, didn’t you always want me to work on my career as witch. – You do have friends! You have a whole coven behind you, we just need a bit until things have calmed down._ ) Hilda didn’t even tell Dr Cee and they never had any secrets. So Sabrina had agreed: Zelda had forced her to show both hands – she knew her niece – and swear not to say to anyone that she was alive, that she was Sabrina Spellman. _Otherwise you’ll lose your tongue_. Sabrina wasn’t sure if that was a joke, a bluff or if there was indeed some kind of spell or a consequence of breaking her oath, but she didn’t want to risk it.

And she never promised not to _let them_ _know_. Just not to tell them.

“I’ve got a great idea!”

“Oh no”, Ambrose just replied. He knew that smile on his cousin’s face, that glance in her eyes when she had a very very bad idea.

“What do you think about Lucy?”

Ambrose rolled his eyes and tried not to laugh. Of course that was the name coming to her mind. “Why not Persephone?”, he commented ironically. “Do whatever you want, I mean, that’s what you are doing anyways. _I_ ”- he got up from her bed. “Am going to Riverdale?”

“What? Why?”

“I need to get something from the pharmacy. Got a prescription”, he replied. He shouldn’t have mentioned it, but he could never keep anything secret from Sabrina.

“Are you... okay?”

“It’s not for me.”

He’d never been ,okay’ though, and Sabrina’s death ...

“It’s for your boyfriend.” Now he got her attention, of course. Well he would do the same for Prudence... Would he?

Ambrose felt her eyes on him, waiting for some explanation. “Actually _you_ inspired me, with your attraction to mortal things.”

“It’s not an attraction. I am half-mortal.” Even though she came back from the dead. Twice.

“Let me finish. You see, mental health is rather a taboo topic in our circles. Witches just don’t talk about their feelings and their struggling. I thought it is part of our nature, but I rather think it’s part of our... culture and education. Speaking about such things is often seen as a weakness.”

“There should definitely be a mental-health-awareness month for witches”, Sabrina agreed, half joking, half serious.

“Exactly. Not every problem can be solved by a spell. So I thought that maybe a _mortal_ professional might help. So I went to Riverdale and pretended I was suffering of some of Nicholas’ symptoms.”

“Why didn’t you just say it was for a friend?” Sabrina always interrupted him.

“Because”, he explained and rolled his eyes, since the reason was so obvious, “saying you are asking for a friend is like the secret code for ,I am asking for myself.’”.

“Right”, she agreed and nodded.

“I mentioned my traumatic experiences and being imprisoned-“ “The fight against the Dark Lord and Hell.”

“Exactly. Attempts to drown my feelings in the most unhealthy ways afterwards. The loss of a girlfriend. Attempt to drown myself which is synonym to an attempted suicide. Nicholas’ PTSD symptoms and all that stuff. _And_ most importantly the fact that since then he, well I was couldn’t stop feeling that he – I mean I – was still dead or... imprisoned. A feeling of derealisation. Phases of depression.”

“You should become a witch-therapist, Ambrose”, she said slightly impressed by his diagnose. “So what did you do to be allowed to go home?”

“I was apparently very aware of my problems and how to solve them. But I used a spell, just in case.” A smile appeared on Sabrina’s lips. How was so glad to see that smile again... “ _But_ she gave me prescription for some medication that might help. They won’t solve the problem, but maybe weaken some of the symptoms.”

“Do you think it will work? He’s a warlock, not a normal mortal”, she remarked, though she couldn’t hide the hope in her voice. That’s why he actually didn’t want to tell her.

“I don’t know, cuz. It might help, it might not, I just thought it was worth a try. I can also try to talk to him, if you want me to. Thought it might be good for him to talk to someone and since he is so convinced that you are still dead...”

And after all, they weren’t so different from each other. At least, they had a lot in common, even more than their love for Sabrina or their interest in books. They both had lost their parents, Nick even his whole family without finding a new one. They had issues with letting anyone closer, afraid to lose them. And Ambrose still remembered a time when everything just seemed to be ... dark. When he felt very alone. It was a long time ago, but maybe the ability to emphasize with Nicholas could be helpful.

“It’s worth a try”, she agreed. “Thank you, Ambrose”, she added honestly.

“Everything for you, cousin. Or for _Lucy,_ my apology.” She mirrored his smile, before he left the room.

**********

It happened one day after her she had that conversation with her father, thirteen days since the day Sabrina Spellman died.

Theo came over to check how she was doing and that time she didn’t tell her father to send him away. They hadn’t really talked to each other. Not only because Roz didn’t want to see anybody, nor leave her room. The real problem was that Theo couldn’t except that Sabrina was gone, always coming up with some weird explanations what might have happened instead.

Sabrina’s death had broken their group. What her father said was true: The death of a friend breaks both relationships and people.

“Hey...”, Theo said awkwardly. “Hey”, she repeated his words.

“I... uhm... I know you don’t want to talk about her and that’s absolutely fine but... I found a parcel in front of our door, which contained... well... _that”,_ he took a book out of his backpack. “And I was wondering... if you could maybe touch it and just see if the Cunning...”

“Theo, please, you need to stop. She is dead.” Theo stared at her as if she slapped him. “And I don’t want to use the Cunning ever again!” If she could only stop that damn visions, that _dreams._ She dreamt of her, the fright club, weird conversations they had in the bathroom at Baxter High. Probably these ... thoughts were just memories, things that happened in the past. But they had such odd conversations... Maybe her mind was mixing memories with her other thoughts, just like in dreams, because that girl from Riverdale had become a recurring topic in that weird bathroom-conversations. But it had to stop.

“Roz, look at the title of the book!”

Until now, she hadn’t even glanced at the book Theo was holding in his hands. She gasped as she recognised the familiar cover.

“That must be some tasteless joke”, she whispered startled, staring at _The Bluest Eye._

“Or...”, Theo tried to say but Roz interrupted her friend immediately. “Please, Theo, don’t even start, I don’t want to hear any of it. Neither how she could still be alive, nor what could have done to save her, okay? Can you tell that Harvey as well?!”

Theo looked down to his shoes, the book still in his hands. “We’re not really hanging around anymore. He stopped coming to basketball training and in class we barely speak a word to each other so... why don’t you just tell him yourself?”

Roz avoided eye contact with her friend. “We broke up. It was just too much”, she admitted. “Oh, I’m sorry, Roz”, Theo said helplessly.

“It’s okay”, she replied not very convincing.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She just shook her head. “I’d just like to have some time to be alone.” She had said that too often. At the funeral. After the funeral. The first time Harvey came to check how she was doing. The last time he came.

“Okay...” Always the same reaction, she didn’t need her Cunning to predict their conversations. “Well, in case you are up for some company or want to talk about anything else: Robin and me are going to re-establish our Forbidden Book Club.”

The book club... Sabrina, sharing her love for fiction. Her will to break the rules if necessary. Change things, change the world. A fire, burning in two bodies. What had happened to that fire? To her energy?

“That sounds great, Theo”, she said quietly and force herself to smile.

Had it died with Sabrina?

************

“I might be up for that.” “Awesome”, Theo replied with faked cheer. They were all walking on eggshells. “So which book do we wanna start with?”

“Is that a real question? We are going to re-read The Bluest Eye.” Sabrina would have liked that.

It felt weird, going to school, the same way she used to take every day. Not wearing her headband as usual but her now dark brown hair in a ponytail. Weird. She even felt kind of... nervous. How could she ever lie to them again? How could she leave Nick alone?

Absentmindedly, she bumped into someone else. “I’m sorry”, she mumbled and knelt down to pick up her books, just to look up and right into Theo’s face. What were the odds...

“Ehm... hi”, Theo said looking right into her eyes. “Do we know each other? I’ve never seen you here before.” They both stood up from the floor and starred at each other awkwardly. Oh Hecate, she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t lie, they’d never forgive her.

“It’s my first day”, that wasn’t technically wrong. “Oh that’s exciting! I’m Theo by the way”, he introduced himself and gave her a wide smile. “Lucy.” Actually she hated that name, what was she thinking?! “Call me Lu”, she added.

“Nice to meet you, Lu”, Theo said.

“You’re reading _The Bluest Eye_?”, Sabrina asked, desperately trying not to end their small talk. Of course she knew that Theo was reading that book. It had been her who left a parcel in front of his door yesterday. Actually she had planned to do the same at Roz’ house, maybe even at Harvey’s, but Ambrose had stopped her. It was too dangerous, too obvious etc. But Sabrina couldn’t stand the thought of not letting them know that she was back. Was it selfish? Theo seemed fine, didn’t he? His eyes were red though, as if he’d been crying recently. But still.. maybe Zelda was right? Maybe they were better off without her? Maybe they’d already forgotten her?

“Oh, yeah. Actually my boyfriend and me had the idea to start a book club”, Theo finally interrupted the thoughts in her head.

“That sounds great!” Secretly Sabrina had hoped that might happen, though she’d expected Roz to be the one planning and organizing.

“You can join, if you want to. Though it might just be the three of us and maybe a friend of mine.” It should be five.

“Yeah that sounds great! We can talk about it later, I actually have to get to class now.” She didn’t want the conversation to stop.

“Do you know where to go?”

“History with Ms Wardwell”, she replied without thinking.

“That’s strange. There must be a mistake on your schedule. They probably didn’t update it, but Ms Wardwell is no longer at our school. But the new history teacher is just awesome, and I’m in the same class, I can show you the way, maybe introduce you to my friends.”

Sabrina felt excited and sick at the same time: excited for seeing Roz and Harvey and Robin again, sick because she had to lie. Because Ms Wardwell left. Because she hadn’t expected Theo – nor anyone else – just to move on.

“Great, thanks. You can tell me more about that book club on the way”, she replied with a forced smile and grabbed her books a little bit tighter.

“Actually we are just re-establishing the club our... our close friend came about in the first place. She always has so many ideas and plans... I’m rather the one to say I am in, no matter how stupid the idea is, but she’s the one to make all that crazy plans in the first place.” He still used present tense, even though it had been two weeks. “I loved that mischievous look in her eyes, always told me she was up to something... She ... She died, I know it sounds odd, but she kind of sacrificed herself and now... I just can’t believe that she’s gone. I know that sounds crazy but... I just think she’s still alive? God, I am sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your first day at school...”

“No worries, you didn’t.” Theo was right. She was still there. She was still alive. It was her!

“So here you go, welcome to Baxter High”, he said as they entered the class room.

“Thanks”, she replied.

Automatically she went to her former place, the place she hadn’t spent enough time at. A year ago she never wanted to go to her mortal school again, now she regretted every minute she missed.

“That place is taken”, she heard familiar voice saying, as she dropped her books on the table.

“What?!”, she looked around and right into Harvey’s face. There were dark shadows under his eyes, as if he wasn’t sleeping enough. His hair was even longer than it used to be.

“I... I am ...”, she stuttered. Looking in his eyes, all the memories came back. The necklace he’d given her before her birthday. It was still in her chest of drawers, right next to the one Nick gave her. Their discussions about movies. His lips, his kisses, softer than Nick’s but less passionate.

His anger when she lied to him. And she’d lied to him way too often.

“That’s Lu, she’s new”, Theo offered. “That place belonged to the friend I told you about”, he added.

“You told her? You told a total stranger about Brina?!”, he snapped at Theo.

“I didn’t want to take anybody’s seat”, she apologised to prevent an argument between the two boys.

“The other seat is taken as well”, he just replied in a cold voice.

“Yeah, that’s Roz’ seat, she’s a friend of us too. She ... uhm...”, Theo started. What? Roz wasn’t in school? That wasn’t good at all, Roz would never miss a day.

“Harvey... I don’t want that seat to be taken either but... there is no other place empty; Harvey”, Theo said helpless, but Harvey wasn’t listening anymore. Instead he’d started drawing a way too familiar face.

Hecate, she had to tell them.

“I don’t think she is taking anybody’s seat”, Robin interrupted. The first thing he said, without introducing himself. His eyes locked with Sabrina’s and for a moment she thought that he knew, well suspected it. “But maybe I can get a chair and table in another classroom, and we just move together a little bit?”, he offered.

“That sounds like a good idea”, Theo agreed and gave him a kiss on his cheek, which made Robin blush.

“So you just moved here to Greendale?”, he asked while his boyfriend left the room. “I’m living at the mortuary”, she said, without answering the question. Harvey looked up from his drawings almost immediately.

“Your family bought the Spellman’s house?” Something about his voice was suspicious. Retrospectively, Harvey had always been kind of suspicious.

“We lived in London for a while.” For about two weeks at least.

“That’s cool”, Theo commented. “You don’t have a British accent”, Harvey said at the same time.

“My mother is American. I never got rid of my accent, even though I grew up hearing both accents.” Again: technically not a lie. Diana was American. And no one could deny Hilda’s and Ambrose's accents.

“So what do you do in your free time.”

_Don’t be too obvious, cuz. And remember that not only your friends might listen to your words. – But I can’t change who I am, Ambrose. – Be creative. – Well, thanks for that._

“I... like fashion.” How creative. Not a lie, but not the whole truth either. “And as I said, I love books and... movies. I am really passionate about them.” She didn’t specify that it was Horror Movie she loved the most, still Theo looked at her with a strange expression on his face.

But before he could say anything, the new teacher – she’d already forgotten his name – entered the room.

**********

“You did what?!”

“I brought Theo a book yesterday. I thought it might be better to ... warn them that I am back instead of just appearing in class as the new girl”, she replied and shrugged her shoulders.

“Sabrina Spellman, do I need to remind you that you promised, under oath, for Hecate’s sake, not to tell your old friends that you are still alive?!

“Well, I am not going to _tell_ them, but we never said that I wouldn’t let them know, right?”

“Sabrina...”

“They are devastated, auntie! Harvey has stopped hanging around with Theo and spends all of his time drawing, even in class, and I might be wrong, but I think he’s drawing me. Theo can’t stop telling everybody what has happened and maybe it’s just a question of time until he accidentally mentions witches and warlocks...” 

“What about Rosalind?”, Zelda wanted to know. “She hasn’t shown up at the academy nor responded to any of my invitations since you died.”

“She wasn’t in school today”, Sabrina said. “And I don’t think that’s a good sign”, she added. “No it’s not”, her aunt agreed. “But be careful, Sabrina. It’s hard to explain the whole town why a buried girl is suddenly alive again.

“I’m careful, auntie, I promise. I am wearing my glamour whenever I am outside-“

“I’d highly recommend to wear it inside as well. What if anyone – witch or mortal – pays us a surprise visit and sees you.”

Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Auntie, Ambrose put a protection around the house. No witch except for us Spellmans can cross it. And most importantly: I don’t want to confuse Nick. He’s already,. really struggling to cope with everything and still believes that this isn’t real most of the times. Nor does he believe that I am me, so don’t you think seeing me with a glamour might be even worse?”

“I’m afraid Sabrina is right, Zee”, Hilda said carefully.

“How is Nick?”, Sabrina just asked, both to change the topic and because she really wanted, needed to know.

“Don’t ask me, I’m highpriestess and principle at the same time, I don’t have the capacities for your _patient.”_

Zelda always tried to keep the distance, not to get too attached to someone. Sabrina was the only exception.

“Ask Ambrose”, she added. “He’s been with him the whole day. So much lost potential, the two of them. I need to go back to the Academy now.” That said, she just disappeared and left Hilda and Sabrina standing at the staircase. “She doesn’t mean it like that, you know her”, Hilda said on behalf of her sister, as she always did.

“I know, auntie... Do you want to go back to Dr Cee’s?”

“I don’t want to go, so soon after getting you back”, Hilda admitted and looked at her niece, as if she wanted to capture every memory of her since her return.

“It’s okay, really. I’ll be upstairs with Nick. And I’ve got quite a bunch of homework to do.” It would be a tough year, since she had missed a lot. But she had nothing else to do than reading and waiting for him to get better. Well, almost nothing. “Don’t tell auntie Zee, but Theo has started a book club. We are going to meet at Dr Cee’s tomorrow evening.”

“Oh, that’s exciting, my love. Will young Harvey be there as well?”

“I don’t think so. But auntie, I think Theo knows!”, she said and couldn’t hide her happiness. “He knows it’s me.” Small lines appeared on Hilda’s face.

“Well, ... uhm... I am not sure if that’s good, my love. But I am glad you are happy... Oh, before I forget! I baked you a cake. And made you some pie, and some small little things.” 

“Auntie,you don’t have to prepare a feast every day for the rest of my life”, she said with a smile and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

“Make sure you take something to eat for poor Nicholas as well, he must be starving.” Her smile died immediately. She had almost forgotten him, just for a second, but still. “I’ll bring him a plate. Thanks auntie”.

Again her life was falling in two halves: her attempt to gain back the ,normal’ life, the mortal life she had before her baptism, to get back her friends on the one side, the secrets, the magic, the worries about Nick on the other side.

She was falling into parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now. I will update that story the end of the months I guess because I'm going to be busy with assignments and exams.
> 
> PS: It is super strange to watch Riverdale for the first time. Whenever someone mentions witches or Madam Satan especially, super weird.


End file.
